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I think almost everyone experiences doubts about God and faith at some point in their life. When I was in my teens the doubts I struggled with shook my faith to the core. Even though I had grown up in a family that really practiced our faith, I came to a point when I was about 15 where I began to doubt God’s existence and the faith that I had practiced when I was younger. I really needed to know if God was real and if He even cared about me at all. What I had been taught about my faith and about God no longer seemed to line up with my daily experience of life, and this caused serious doubts within me. Although on the outside my life remained normal, no one really knew the turmoil that was going on inside me. I wanted to be the kind of person who was really confident in his beliefs, especially because I saw many young people who found great joy in their faith, but I could not seem to overcome my doubts.

I ended up going on a retreat during grade 11, mostly because I had friends there and I wanted everything to seem normal, but I didn’t really feel comfortable there. Not knowing what else to do, I cried out to God in my heart and asked Him to show Himself to me in a way that would allow me to believe strongly enough to give my whole life to Him. One evening, I was sitting in my chair during one of the talks, and all of a sudden I experienced something that I’d never experienced before. It was as if God tapped me on the shoulder and said “Here I am” without feeling an actual tap and without hearing any actual words. The experience was totally “out of the blue” for me; it had nothing to do with the talk or anything that was going on around me. For that moment, all my doubts vanished. I felt a great joy and peace and I knew with every part of me that God was real and that He loved me, not just mankind in general, but me! More than anything, I think I just felt loved by God. That night I committed my whole life to Jesus and did something I had been avoiding for a long time – I went to confession. After that I felt even more at peace because I knew that my relationship with God was fully restored.

Ever since I committed my life to Jesus that night, I have not struggled with doubts about God’s existence and I feel a great confidence in His love for me, despite my sins and even when I don’t particularly “feel” His presence. There are still many things about my life and my faith that I don’t fully understand, but through my relationship with Jesus, my faith remains firm no matter what questions arise. If you feel that you lack conviction in your faith or you question whether God exists or loves you, then I encourage you to ask God, with an open heart, to make Himself more real to you and to show you His love. Persevere until you get an answer; God will never disappoint you and always exceeds all our hopes and expectations!